Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Be still, my beating vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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