How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
