So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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