i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
