I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
