ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
