Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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