ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
