At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
