good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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