I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
