this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we're so committed to being not committed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
