thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
