Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sext me about skeletons
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
