What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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