I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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