i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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