I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
