If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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