ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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