Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we're so committed to being not committed
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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