I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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