So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
