just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
