the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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