positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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