i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
