maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
