That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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