Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
