I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
