it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
