Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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