it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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