i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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