this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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