Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
