Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
