Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
