The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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