I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need moral support for this bender
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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