When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
