Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
