a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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