wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
