Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
