I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
