So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
