Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
COCAINE IS GR8
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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