Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
