I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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