did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
